Man says his parents demanded ‘extravagant Guo Da Li’ from brother-in-law, now he refuses to let them see his sister: 'You sold your daughter off' - Singapore News

SINGAPORE: A man has shared online that his sister and brother-in-law have been keeping their distance from his parents after they allegedly demanded an “extravagant Guo Da Li package”, complete with large angbaos, during the couple’s wedding preparations.

In a post published on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Monday (May 11), the man explained that his family used to get along very well with his sister’s husband before wedding planning began. However, things apparently turned sour after his parents suddenly insisted on a lavish Guo Da Li (GDL) arrangement and expected hefty monetary gifts as part of the tradition.

According to the man, there was quite “a bit of back and forth” over the issue. At one point, his brother-in-law reportedly responded by saying that if the family wanted to treat the marriage like he was “buying” their daughter, then he would “reciprocate in kind.”

Since then, the relationship between the two families has become strained.

The man claimed that his brother-in-law had more or less stopped his sister from spending much time with their parents because he believed they had effectively “sold her off” through their demands.

“The entire CNY we saw them for less than two hours,” he wrote. “They spend almost all their free time with his family.”

He clarified, however, that his sister is not being kept away against her will.

“She has made it clear it’s her own decision to stand by her husband’s wishes,” he added.

The man also said that neither his sister nor her husband is particularly well-off financially. He explained that his sister does not have much in savings and would not have been able to help with the expensive GDL expectations. The same reportedly goes for his brother-in-law.

According to him, his brother-in-law “is not very rich” and had to “explore every avenue” to scrape together the money needed for the wedding customs and expectations.

“My parents (MIGHT) have had the wrong impression that he was wealthier than he actually was when they demanded the GDL,” the man wrote, adding that he would not reveal the exact amount involved.

After seeing how badly the situation affected their relationship with their daughter, the man said his parents have since tried to make amends. He shared that they already returned an S$88 angbao and are even considering returning the entire Guo Da Li amount in hopes of rebuilding ties with her. 

“My parents are contemplating returning the GDL just to see their daughter a little more,” he said. “Just wondering if this is normal?”

“What children want is for their parents to give blessings, not create problems”

The man’s post quickly went viral, pulling in more than 457 upvotes and 336 comments in just 24 hours. Most people in the discussion firmly sided with the brother-in-law, saying the parents had crossed a line and taken things far too far.

One commenter wrote, “If I were your BIL, I wouldn’t budge until they came to me hat-in-hand, returned the money, and sincerely apologised for their actions. And they had better do this before the kids come out, or it’s going to look like they only want to buy their way back into your BIL’s good graces to have access to their grandkids.”

Another commented, “Your parents got greedy and didn’t put the family first. Your parents deserved what they got. It is what it is. Hope the amount they got is worth losing family.”

A third said, “Their mistake was springing it as a surprise and an extravagant one at that. Giving the couple back S$88—out of how much? If he had to give S$8888, that is basically pouring oil onto the fire.”

Several others also said they understood why the man’s sister chose to stand by her husband in the dispute. One user noted that she likely felt “quite disrespected” by the whole situation, saying her parents had effectively “used her marriage as a way to profit from her partner.”

They added, “What children want from their parents is blessings and support, not unnecessary drama and problems.”

Another commenter agreed, writing, “Your parents screwed up. They are meant to return like a good chunk of it and keep a token sum only. GDL is not a way for parents to make money out of their daughter.”

In other news, a woman who has been married for 20 years confessed on social media that her husband has “never contributed financially to the household” and instead spends his money on pets such as “hamster cages, parrots, fish, and dogs.”

In an anonymous post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, she said she married him “for love” and truly believed they “would build a life together.”

Read more: Singapore mum of three says she paid for the family for 20 years while husband spent on pets

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