The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Recap: The Vibe Definitely Seems Off

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
The Book of Judgement
Season 3 Episode 9
Editor’s Rating ★★★
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I’m conflicted about these Los Angeles episodes. Yes, it’s fun to see MomTok out of their element, having these “holy shit we made it” moments and witnessing the layers of persona they’re defining (“true” self, “Hulu shooting” self, “press” self, etc.). But when it’s almost an hour of wall-to-wall press mini-scenes, many of which are debates about what constitutes assault? Oof. I will say that if the goal was to make the viewer feel trapped in a claustrophobic loop between glam chair and sprinter van with nonstop tension the entire time, it was a success. I’m sweaty. Anxious. Desperate to disassociate alone in a hotel robe. 

No time for that, though, because it’s a huge week for MomTok’s career. We are back at the Sofitel, and what a treat — for just a moment, we get to look out a window before Whitney talks to Miranda about her dinner with Demi. Whitney explains how she left feeling okay but then talked to Conner and now feels icky. Miranda comes right out and says, “We don’t have all the facts, but also [Demi’s] lying.” Ms. Baby Deer! They grow up so fast! 

On the way to the Entertainment Tonight interview, the factions emerge. The official MomTok car concludes that, no matter who you side with, everyone can agree that sending a picture of your kid to some man is weird. The outcast car continues their beef with JZ extensions, and Demi rants about how this whole Marciano thing has nothing to do with the other women, and it makes no sense that they’re sitting around talking about it. If Demi wanted to keep this private, perhaps she could have not posted about it to her nearly 700,000 Instagram followers. It still baffles me how someone could want to “make sure the sexual assault didn’t come out” and then be the one making public sexual-assault allegations. And not even to any kind of authority besides the internet, I believe? The court of public opinion is notoriously a tricky place to find real justice, so why not handle this the same way Demi handled her contract negotiations (in private)? I believe this is, more or less, Miranda’s logic in terms of not loving “how Demi is handling it.”

Or I did until I realized Miranda’s frustration runs deeper. During the full cast Entertainment Tonight interview, the girlies rehash the Halloween-shove situation. At first, I was like, Why are they bringing this back up? and then I remembered their job during this interview is to promote a season of this show where Marciano barely existed. Here’s hoping season four is not filmed during the season-three press tour, or we will be forever trapped in a “doing press about the drama that unfolded while doing press about the drama” cycle.

Anyway, Taylor and Miranda don’t think Chase shoved Demi. Jen thinks Demi was threatening a cease and desist. The interviewer thinks everyone is acting “as real as it gets.” He is not wrong, but the ladies are largely disgruntled at each other’s lack of media training. Demi is extra disgruntled that she’s having to defend herself against the behavior of shitty men now that she’s finally stopped placating them. 

It’s a compelling argument. However, back at the hotel, Demi walks in on Miranda and Whitney talking about her. I’d normally have expected Miranda to immediately stop talking, but she doesn’t! She confronts Demi about how escalating Chase’s brushing past her into a shove is a dramatic leap that shifts the narrative of the situation Miranda saw with her own eyes. 

Miranda eventually leaves the room after a bunch of back and forth that goes nowhere because, by Whitney’s approximation, everyone, herself included, just wants to be right. Whitney then goes on to text Miranda to see if she’s okay, which the other women interpret as Whitney agreeing that Demi was being aggressive. They all agree that Demi using her position as a woman to inflate this small situation into a big thing makes everything worse for actual assault victims. Oh boy. The MomTok brand guidelines will need a fiscal year 2026 update on the precise parameters of “women supporting women” moving forward. 

Speaking of supporting women, Bret does not. Regarding Miranda, he says, “That’s a typical response from someone who’s so deeply rooted in white trash.” He continues: “I have no respect for any of these women … they’re little lying, yipping cowards.” Then says, “Fuck ’em all. Let’s create an absolute shit shitshow — Jerry Springer.” And this is the “he knows he’s being recorded” version, too. Imagine how he talks about them behind closed doors. Either way, Demi is fully aroused by his little performance.

A bunch of other press happens. There is much discussion about sipping Swig and triple-stack strollers. But the most dynamic bit occurs in the Jimmy Kimmel green room. Taylor digs into her bottomless soft spot for Whitney and confesses that she still sees her as a friend and has a hard time not wanting her around. Whitney explains that she learned empathy after sitting through the reunion and hearing how people who are not her also go through hard things. This really sets Taylor’s heart aflutter, and they more or less fully make up. Taylor then goes on to hint at the Dakota-shaped storm cloud pissing buckets on her press parade.

And the pissing continues! Jessi and Taylor compare notes on Dakota’s fourth cheating scandal. How many pictures? Was it a silhouette or a bra shot? How far along is the meetup plan? There are many discrepancies between what Jessi heard and what Dakota confessed, so Taylor (always one to get right to it) calls him. He insists that there was one (1) photo, a silhouette, and he will die on this hill. I am desperate to see the scandalous “silhouette” because my brain will only allow me to picture this edition of Jane Eyre or a papercraft that could be purchased in a Colonial Williamsburg tourist shop. And Dakota is a dastardly dog, so this is obviously not the correct vibe.

After returning to Utah, Taylor digs deeper. This mystery woman has somehow negotiated the full Gangland informant-protection treatment. Liann and Taylor call her up, and a digitally altered voice cycles between lying and folding. She goes from “What do you mean?” to “I don’t remember” to “I was in a swimming suit and the picture was from Florida.” From “Are you serious?! I never invited him to my house” to “I only invited him over to talk and cry it out.” It’s pathetic. No matter what you think of Taylor, it’s impossible not to feel for someone who grew up surrounded by adults like this.

But next up is the finale, when the women will sit on a comically large leather sectional to find some semblance of unity. Or more likely, create enough mess to fuel at least two more seasons!