Mario with typical gaming dialogue is giving me psychic damage

If Call of Duty: Black Ops 7 serves as a shining example of anything besides the brazen laziness of "too big to fail" developers, it's the steadily declining writing quality of big-budget games. Actually, those two are the same thing.

Think about how many tutorials desperately try not to feel like tutorials, how many quips from forgettable side characters you've endured. As AI creeps into the triple-A sphere—giving execs excuses to fire more people—this trend will worsen. At least some big-budget games sidestep the problem by having no writing at all. Could you imagine if Mario talked like a Call of Duty protagonist?

Well? Could you?

This facsimile from voice actor Ryan Stewart is as distressing as it is hilarious. All it's missing is Plumber Vision.