'Am I wrong?' —Woman asks if she crossed a line by bringing fiancé to brother's birthday lunch - Singapore News

SINGAPORE: After inviting her fiancé to her brother’s birthday lunch, a 27-year-old woman was surprised when her mother reacted negatively and said she should have asked first.

In a post on the r/asksg subreddit on Wednesday (June 10), the woman explained that she genuinely did not think inviting her fiancé would be a problem. After all, he is hardly a stranger to the family.

According to her, her fiancé was formally introduced to her family five years ago and has since attended numerous family gatherings and celebrations. Her parents have always appeared to get along well with him, and she had assumed that, as an engaged couple, his presence at family events would now be considered fairly normal.

“[My fiancé and I] are not currently staying together, and we take turns staying over at each other’s houses,” she wrote. “I invited my fiancé, as he would be staying over this weekend and I didn’t think it was nice to be leaving him at home. I didn’t force him to go for the birthday lunch either. I asked if he wanted to go, and he said okay.”

However, things took an unexpected turn when she casually mentioned the arrangement to her mother.

Instead of agreeing, her mother reportedly reacted with surprise, asking why she had invited him in the first place.

“[My mum] said ‘huh…. why you invite him…. your didi also not close to him….’ I explained my rationale to her, and she said she was expecting me to go over to his house instead of him coming over.” 

“Then my mum said that it’s my brother’s birthday and she wants to make him comfortable, but the thing is, my brother is one of those guys who doesn’t talk to anyone in the family and stays in his room all day, so to me, he’s not comfortable with us anyway, too.”

She also stressed that her fiancé has never done anything to upset or offend her brother.

As far as she knows, there is no bad blood between them. They may not be close, but there is no conflict either.

The woman also felt that since they are already engaged, it is only natural for her fiancé to be included in family occasions. She even planned to quietly pay for his meal herself so that no one else would have to foot the bill.

“I told my mum that after we got engaged, my fiancé should be able to attend family celebrations, but my mum’s emphasis is on making my brother comfortable. My mum is not expecting us to give gifts to him, but she’s just a bit dulan that I invited my fiancé.”

In an edit to her post, she added that her family is quite “dysfunctional.” 

Her mother, she said, is “antisocial and unpredictable,” while her brother is a self-confessed shut-in who rarely leaves his room.

She also believes her brother genuinely does not care whether her fiancé attends the lunch or not.

“My brother also doesn’t really care if my fiancé is there, as he just doesn’t talk to any of us during the meal…. If it’s my parents and me and him, only my parents and I will be talking. Myfiancé also asked for my parents’ blessings before proposing, and they were happy for us.”

Wondering if she had crossed a line, she asked other members of the forum: “Am I wrong, especially since I didn’t ask my mum beforehand if I can invite him and assumed that since we are engaged already, he can just come? FYI, my mum is the one planning the birthday lunch, my bro just chose the place and didn’t say anything else.”

“This is your brother’s birthday, not yours.”

Given how introverted her family is, many commenters felt she should have checked with her brother before inviting her fiancé.

The top comment read, “You’re not really wrong, but if I were you, I would have asked your brother before inviting him. Regardless of how your mum feels, it is ultimately your brother’s celebration, and I think he, as the host, has the right to decide.”

Another wrote, “You admit that you know your brother to not be the most social person but assume it’s fine to invite your fiancé because your brother doesn’t speak to anyone in the family anyway, so an additional person should be fine?

“I’m sure you can see how ridiculous that sounds. If anything, the fact that he is not super social is more reason to check in with him, given that it’s his birthday.”

A third added, “Not everything is about you. Tone down on the main character energy.”

Several users, meanwhile, suggested that she simply take back the invitation. One commented, “Your mom already said that your fiancé is not welcome to the lunch, so just rescind the invitation, lor. This is your brother’s birthday, not yours.”

Despite the criticism, a number of users came to the woman’s defence and said they did not think she had done anything wrong by inviting her fiancé.

One user wrote, “I don’t think you’re wrong. Not sure why your mum is being weird about it, but since you already invited your fiancé, it wouldn’t be nice to uninvite him, too. I would just move forward with it and ignore mum.”

In other news, an employer has complained online that her domestic helper expects meals to be cooked for her despite having access to a fully stocked fridge.

On Wednesday (June 3), the employer posted in the “Myanmar Maids in Singapore” Facebook group, stating, “Nowadays, are helpers so demanding? Expect the employer to cook for them? My fridge is full, but she’s so lazy to cook lunch, then complains that I never give her food. Is any employer in the same shoes as me? Any helper can help explain her actions? She really pisses me off every day.”

Read more: Employer fumes as helper expects meals to be cooked for her despite fridge being full

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