‘SNL’: Trump Tries to Settle Rubio-Musk Dispute, Insults Them Both

Saturday Night Live‘s Donald Trump tried to resolve tensions between Elon Musk and Marco Rubio, while using the opportunity to insult them both.

Trump (James Austin Johnson) first summoned Secretary of State Rubio (Marcello Hernandez) to the Oval Office, where he told the former Florida senator that he’s been doing great in his new role.

“You’re the GOAT,” he said. “You’re the scapegoat. But it’s still a type of goat.”

During his at-times misleading speech to Congress Tuesday night, Trump said–perhaps jokingly–that Rubio would be to blame if the U.S. wasn’t able to reacquire the Panama Canal.

Later, Trump called in Musk (Mike Myers), the head of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency.

“Now look, I can’t have you two at each other’s throats, okay? After all, I have a perfect record. Everyone who’s ever worked for me has left on good terms–and then gone on to write a book called, The Man Who Ruined Everything,” he said. “So you two need to start acting like mature adults, okay? So let’s begin with Marco.”

Musk blurted out: “Polo!”

Trump would go on the recommend that any insults should actually be good.

“Something like: ‘Elon, how do you have 20 kids but I’ve never seen you with a chick? Just dudes named donkey dong and boner king.’ You know, stuff like that.”

“Watch this,” he then said, turning to Rubio. “Marco: Short and gay. Classic.”

As Trump explained to Musk why Rubio is “important,” Musk’s thoughts were revealed.

“Phase one of my plan is complete: Ingratiate yourself to the president and take over the media. But was taking this job a bad idea? A lot of people seem to really hate me. My Tesla stock is crashing, and my personal net worth just dropped by $100 billion,” his inner voice said, that last line a reference to Myers’ line–as Dr. Evil–in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.

Trump then recapped the meeting.

“One: America’s doing ‘bad guy’ now. Two: Marco, get your budget under control. And three: Elon, stay in your lane. You’re not the boss.”

Musk replied, “But I paid you $300 million.”

“And that’s why you’re the boss,” Trump affirmed.